Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

We had snow on Wednesday! What a winter wonderland College Station became. The children played and played and played until we finally brought them in at 9 pm from all the winter excitement. It was such a fun treat for us. We had an incredible time enjoying every moment!

Blaine & The Deer! Suzanna into the JUNGLE!

Blaine can become hyper focused. This weekend was one of Blaine's hyper focused moments. He was determined that this would be the weekend he shot his first deer. Surprisingly, it was! Doyle had only taken Blaine to practice with a deer rifle once. They had shot into a feed sack using a the deer rifle with Blaine getting used to the kick. Blaine was close to the bulls eye every time he shot though. This past Monday morning before school, Blaine had already packed for the upcoming weekend hunt. Anything he had camo was placed into his duffle bag as well as all hunting equipment. Countdown was excruciatingly painful for Blaine as the anticipation was driving him hog wild. The weekend came and off went Blaine to spend the weekend at Nana's and Papa's in Brenham hunting. Papa and Blaine were up before 5 and in the blind at 5:30 and there they stayed. Only does entertained them Saturday in the blind. Sunday morning a spike buck appeared. Blaine's Papa said Blaine lined the rifle up and fired one shot. I would have paid money to have seen Blaine's face when he saw the deer go down. Papa said Blaine was thrilled and could not believe he actually hit the buck! We could not wipe the smile off Blaine's face all day. It truly was a rite of passage for Blaine with all the Borchgardt men. Uncle Jimmie drove over to see Blaine's first deer. Congratulations were offered. The great thing was that Uncle Jimmie had let Blaine borrow his deer rifle a 22-250. Of course, Doyle drove in once he got the call Blaine had killed his first deer. Hand shakes, cheers, excitement and pride surrounded the day as everyone was delighted for Blaine. Blaine walked in from the hunt I think taller, more confidant and ready to tell the tale of his hunt. We were all so excited for him. He had to clean the deer which Blaine took plenty of photos , 55 in fact , but I will spare you the gore! That just must be something only men understand.

Here is Blaine with his first dove. This hunting season has been all about firsts. Doyle thinks the practice on the small gun helped Blaine get ready for the deer rifle. Blaine so far has hit everything he has shot at which makes him a little boastful and proud of his hunting ability. Doyle and I talked tonight that we would have loved for my Dad to have seen this since he was such the hunter. Then I thought for a moment and realized Dad probably was helping Blaine pull the trigger =)! today in the deer blind smiling. For now Dad can hunt again! His last 5 years here on earth Dad was too sick and too tired to hunt. If Dad can see down from heaven, I now he was smiling from ear to ear with Blaine. Dad loved Blaine dearly for the son he never had.

While Blaine was hunting the weekend away Suzanna cooked up her own fun with Jungle in My Pocket creatures. She spent all weekend playing elaborate make believe stories with one of her best friends and the Jungle in My Pocket animals. She quickly changes her passions from Barbies, Webkinz, Polly Pockets, Littlest Pet Shop and now the "In my Pocket" series. She is our joy! Suzanna is super creative and takes after her Aunt Catherine and Mimi with that talent. She was all smiles this weekend as well delighting in having the house to herself.

God's Purpose

Today on my way to work, I struggled with even going to work. I had a conversation with God which I begged him to call me home. Call me to my home where I could go exercise, cook a healthy meal for my family, play with the dogs and do a Bible Study. Call me to my home which could be my refuge. I wanted desperately just to regroup. I wanted Him to do that for me. All would be perfect and right if I just did not have to go to work. I think often times the grass always looks greener on the other side. Today, I wanted to go to greener pastures.

And So, I enter the building and encounter a student filled with so much rage, so much anger and so much hurt, the pain spilled forth , spilling out down the hallway right smack dab where he raced by me ready to attack like an out of control animal . This student then began kicking a glass door. I think the thrill of knowing glass could shatter at any moment was an adrenaline rush which in this student's mind, shattering glass just might shatter the pain, the hurt and the torture bottled up inside his heart as well. His eyes spoke of the hurt, the pain and the ANGER, red hot explosive anger, he was feeling. So I looked at him and it was then his eyes met my eyes and it was if God spoke right through our eyes. He knew he could trust me. He knew he could calm down with me only because of the God given kid connectivity God gave me at that moment. I took his hand and gently lead him outside where he could began to release his frustration. Tears began streaming down his broken-hearted face. He finally felt safe and began to allow himself to leave the flight or fight part of his brain and began reasoning with me.

And so I prayed, " God what do I give this child of yours? What can I give him in his hurt ?" I leaned in and listened and then I offered him all I could at that moment ...hope! I gave him hope and belief in himself despite the fact that the odds are stacked so high against this kid to dig his way out of generational poverty, violence, and gang neighborhoods. HOPE is exactly what he needed. I told him I believed in him despite it all. Despite the reputation. Despite the grades. Despite the fights. Despite the foul language. I believe in him. Hope! You must have hope.

When you see lives so opposite yours each day you began to question and wonder. Why the extreme injustice? Why the haves and the have nots? Why do some have so much opportunity afforded them and then so many have nothing offered, but despair and oppression. I watch faces of our little ones each day who live in situations many of us could only imagine or have only seen on the television screen. For those little ones though it is their reality. It is their world and to many it is a place of hurting.

And so , the day continues with one crisis to another. It is like being a fire fighter running, rushing in to the flames to put the fires out. Each fire surrounding a hurting child or a hurting teacher. Sprinkled in comes waves of joy as I see student success and celebration happening. Students and teachers rejoicing at accomplishment and growth that is happening. Finding joy with a child or teacher warms you from the inside out. Fires still need tending and so the day marches forward.

As I get into my car, I hear God loudly give me the verse from Ephesians 1:9-12. (I replace the pronouns always for my name or the name of the person I am praying for, to make the Bible come alive to me. )

Ephesians 1:10-12 (The Message)
He thought of everything, provided for everything you, Sara could possibly need, letting you, Sara in on the plans he took such delight in making. He set it all out before you, Sara in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth.
It's in Christ that you, Sara find out who Sara is and what you, Sara are living for. Long before you, first heard of Christ and got your hopes up, he had his eye on you, had designs on you for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone ( including you, Sara!).

And so God reminded me today. He reminded me that he has this purpose for me. Guess what, he had it before I was even born! I know what my calling is , but yet I fight it. I sometimes want someone elses call. God reminds me today on the way home from work of this verse. He whispers in my ear, "It is in Chirst Sara that you will do this work. This is what you are living for. This is part of my overall purpose I am working out in everything and everyone. And so, you Sara are right where you need to be for my purpose which I had my eye on YOU before you even knew it. "

Temptation, Horseback Riding, Treasures

Tonight Blaine decided to take a bath in Doyle and I's large tub in order to soak while the jets were on to help him feel better. The Borchgardt House has been down for an entire week with the stomach bug , so Blaine felt a hot soak in our jacuzzi would ease his pain. After about 20 minutes, out comes Blaine with blood running down his leg looking a bit confused. Doyle doctors him up as Blaine proceeds to tell of his unfortunate accident in slipping right out of the tub, scraping his leg and now which is now left injured and bleeding. Doyle can't seem to see how the type of cut matches the wild story of slipping, sliding , falling and now bleeding on the way out of the bath, but places the band aid on without much thought.

In comes Blaine to see me. As he shares his story he says, " And Mom, it also took all my hair off!" And so, I now put two and two together to discover Blaine saw my pink razor on the edge of the tub and decided to see exactly how the razor worked by experimenting on his own leg. I said, " Blaine, you used my razor?" He denied it. He denied it again. And again. Then he said, " Mom, okay, I was curious. I wanted to see. You should not leave your razor on the tub. It is too tempting!" First I thought, "With words such as curious and tempting, Wow,! We are getting quite an extensive vocabulary for a Third Grader, but then I saw the spiritual lesson illustrated beautifully for Blaine.

I shared with Blaine how he was curious and tempted, but what had he been instructed regarding the use of a razor? He knew all the right things to say, fully aware that razors cut, but that not enough for Blaine. I shared with Blaine how God in his word has shared with us many cautions to keep us from hurting ourselves. God knows the consequences of being tempted can lead to hurtful situations. Each day we can either choose to be tempted or curious and ultimately end up hurt ....just like he did tonight by the use of the razor or we can chose to trust God and then avoid the consequences., but always knowing we have grace.
He looked at me and said, " Mom , just hide the razors!"

Blaine is my little one who will have to see, touch, feel, experience and live life fully for himself. Evidenced by his inappropriate use of the razor. Blaine is IN every moment. And with that comes a many of life lessons along the way. I pray daily for the Holy Spirit to prompt his heart with things that are of God knowing God has created Blaine for such a great purpose.

Sister Sue =) has taken up horseback riding. She rode bareback last week and is a complete natural on a horse. Suzanna almost becomes one with the horse which reminds me of rides with our horse Katy at the ranch when I was growing up. Well, Doyle took her tonight to buy her a pair of riding boots, helmet and riding jeans. HE was SO proud of Suzanna for her gift of riding. Doyle used to team rope with his horses and rodeo with the horses. He told me tonight, ' Well, if Suzanna is going to ride, I better get back in the saddle as well!" Here we go..............

We have been sick for a week, but I think almost I needed a week just to recenter and regroup.Work has been 12 - 14 hour days. I feel like we are almost all back on solid footing after the 9 weeks with Dad's illness and then death. There is not a day I do not think of him. Wisdom he offered or shared. Memories from childhood with Dad. Things he would say to me regarding the children. Now that he is gone, those memories are treasures. True treasures. What I have learned is while we were making those memories I had not idea that they would become treasures tucked in my heart for the rest of my life here on this earth. I can not make more memories with dad. That opportunity is gone. What a lesson to love completely and fully and to cherish. Cherish, cherish, cherish.

Dad's Passing

I have started this posting a million times , knowing that before I can post any other postings, I must first update my blog regarding my father's death. Dad died on September 8 at 2:08 pm. Dad's leaving this world was not peaceful. He did not go calmly in his sleep nor did he smile one last joyous smile before he left this world for the next,as you would imagine one who had time to prepare for his death would go. I did not find the active dying part beautiful nor serene as the doctor who was beside us kept describing the event of Dad's dying to us. Those last 4 minutes with Dad as he actively died are like a tape recorder that continues to hit replay over and over and over again in my mind.

We had sat with Dad for a total of 8 long weeks watching, waiting and praying that God would end the suffering by either healing him physically or taking him to Heaven to be with him. When the moment finally came when Dad let go, I didn't want to let him go. No matter how much I had prepared myself what I soon discovered is, you are never really prepared. The emotions of losing Dad are like waves which pour over you completely unexpected. Dad called depending on his mood two to three times a day the last year. When the phone rings on some days and I know it will never be Dad again and so the emotions can surface. He had a passion for Blaine and Suzanna as they were his ultimate pride and joy watching Blaine and Suzanna grieve for their Poppy is painful. It is the part knowing you will never hear his voice again or hear his wisdom again that can wash over me like a flood. You want the world to stop. You want to look at people going about their day and scream, " Stop! My Dad just died! Can't you wait and let me get ready to rejoin the race again" The world keeps moving right along like a Merry Go Round spinning . It forces you back on rushing and racing trying to catch up on the last spins you missed as we are in the land of the living. Although now that I have experienced I see the passing from this life to the next as something worth stopping the world for, for just a moment so those who have lost can catch their breath before jumping back in to life.

BUT those are the human emotions tied to the grief. What I know is that this earthly home is temporary. We are eternal based on our belief in Jesus Christ, so even though Dad is gone from this world, he has entered his spiritual eternal home. I was terribly worried that Dad had not "made himself right with God" many days, but what God taught me regarding this one fear of mine was unbelievable. I saw a mighty powerful grace filled God surround my father in his last days bringing him back into a relationship with his maker.

In those last two days, Dad asked for prayer. My father never asked for prayer to my knowledge in my whole entire life until the last two days of his life. He knew all along where he was headed as he spent those 8 weeks taking care of unfinished business with siblings and damaged relationships between friends. I watched a man who never surrendered began to surrender and through that surrender accept our Father who is in heaven. As Dad was actively dying taking his last few breaths, I clung to him saying, "Daddy, you look for Jesus. You call to Jesus. You call his name Daddy. Call Jesus!". What mattered to me in Dad's last 4 minutes of life was that he call to Jesus.

God promises never to leave or forsake us. Dad was God's all along. God had never left him. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. That love which is deep and wide was pouring out to my father in an incredible way those last weeks. Sometimes in the hospital, I could feel the Holy Spirit. I would on occasions look up at Doyle and say, " Doyle, breathe in, can't you breathe the Holy Spirit? Don't you feel God's presence in this room?" He would always smile and lovingly say" Sara, no that must be just for you." It was if the angels were dancing about him preparing him to let go.

The last weeks were incredibly long and hard and painfully brutal. Suffering is miserable. Although I have come to see that in Dad's suffering and his complete surrender to the fact a physical healing was not going to happen, Dad was spiritually healed. In those last 4 minutes what mattered was not that he knew of my love for him or how much I appreciated him for being my father for 38 years, but that he was calling to Jesus. He was finding Jesus. So really what it comes down to is Jesus. Nothing else.

My father and I at times had our ups and downs and topsy curvy moments, but God did a miraculous thing as I cared for him while he was dying. God wiped that away. Dad and I's relationship had never been stronger when he died. I can't recall even as a little girl calling my father Daddy as he was always Dad. Through those longs weeks, our relationship transformed where in those last breaths he took, he was not my Dad dying, but my Daddy and a incredible Poppy to Blaine and Suzanna. Grief and bereavement are exhausting. I have found it harder to reenter the world than I would have imagined. Life does not give us a pause even when I beg God for one. I am so grateful for the eternal perspective we have in Jesus which allows us to reenter. I am grateful for the race that He has put in front of me, although lat times I feel like really I can not run this race not at all. I want to collapse face down and just say I have hit pause. He picks me up and sends me onward, upward to march the race He has laid before me knowing He has all I need. Then, in His grace, He floods me with His power to keep on running so to hear him whisper , "Well Done Good and Faithful Servant" In my last breaths I have learned all that matters is Jesus. Sweet Jesus.
http://www.legacy.com/HoustonChronicle/DeathNotices.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=117256983

The 2008-2009 Year is Here

As a teacher I have never celebrated New Years as "the new year". I have always felt that come December 31st, I was smack dab in the middle of my work, not about to launch into a new year, with a new me , new goals situation. The break for me as an educator comes in summer. After summer, for me, the new year begins. Each summer I always make lofty goals for myself as if come June, July and August I magically would become the person I dream of being, healthier, organized and completly in control. At the end of summer comes a sigh as I did not accomplish those lofty goals. Next summer ,my goals will be to just rest and relax with the kiddos!

All that being said, the new year is here. Blaine and Suzanna have been happy in their new environment at the private school. They have made friends and are with two incredible teachers who pour themselves into theri students. Today Suzanna's teacher left me a message at work to tell me Suzanna took her vocabulary and spelling tests and made the highest grades in the class. Go Suzanna. She ended the message with, " Sara I love your family. I love your children. I am praying for your family." It was sincere and from her heart. I saved that message to remind me of exactly what the duo is getting in a smaller, more nurturing environment that teaches to their spirit as well. I am grateful for the smooth transistion and that both are finishing out adjustments and settling into a routine.

Meanwhile, I began my new job as Master Teacher. All I can say is , " I'm back!" My energy, my drive , my goal setting and rush and thrill of working with high needs kiddos has recharged me for sure. No doubt I am right where God wants me. The first week on my new campus, I felt a little like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz as if I had just landed in the land of Oz and was meeting all the characters. I have made friends already. I have trained teachers two days in a row, partipated in training in the TAP program in the faculty meeting in addition to going in to teach for two days in a wild and wooly class =). I loved every minute of it. I am exhausted, but a good exhausted. The hours have been long and brutal which is another story, but the work is rewarding because it is what God created me to do. I know without a shadow of a doubt. I am now back in His Will for me. I absolutely am jazzed about being part of a high needs campus. I love it!!! Exhausted, worn out and tired, but full of reward,purpose and adrenaline.

Dad.......7 weeks. We have had an incredibly long 7 weeks with no end in sight. He is withering away slowly taking the slow road to heaven I assume. I can not see the purpose of the sustained suffering and pain. It has literally been watching suffering. Seeing this man who was the pillar of strength wither, suffer and be in agony is incredibly difficult. I trust though that God's timing is perfect. God sees the situation for what needs to be finished in my father's world before he leaves earth. I trust that. I just keep praying , "God's speed!" Sometimes we treat our animals more humane I have discovered through watching my father in his pain.

It has been a busy, busy time. I looked in the mirror today and thought, " Oh Sara, you must find yourself again ! The dark circles and weight are signs of me not taking care of myself. As working mothers I think we always put ourself last. My new year, which has just begun, I know exactly what I should focus on =) for my own little way of celebrating New Years.

Happy Happy New School Year!

Life Support

For 7 days and nights, my life has been on pause, listening to the swoosh and swish of life support machines along with bells and whistles of intensive care alarm monitors alerting the nurse and doctors that the heart, the lungs, the something is sounding for help . These sounds are all too familiar, as this is exactly how our Blaine and our Suzanna began life, on monitors, in ICU and living hour by hour. We now are living the same way , but with my father.

Dad crashed this past Friday. He was headed for death, in fact it was knocking on his door. Through a heart pump and vent , he was kept alive. Life had to hit pause for me. If only we really had a pause. How could I be at my father's bedside while also filling the roles of mother, wife, teacher and any other role that goes along with Sara Borchgardt. By the grace of God the kids were off to camp for a week, I cancelled my week long training in Bastrop and have been here serving only as daughter.

I am grateful for this week. I have had the time to pray at my Father's bedside which if he was awake and alert would be an IMPOSSIBILITY as Dad is too proud, too much of a conqueror to need my humble prayers. I have held my Father's hand more this week than ever in my whole life time. I have wiped tears from his eyes and held my hand over his heart when it was beating too fast. All of these things would not be possible for me to do if he were not sedated on life support. He thinks he is to be courageous, independent and Super Man if you will which are all character traits that do not allow one to be in prayer constantly by your bedside.

I have no idea where this story will end and when. I have had to learn to surrender as I want it neatly closed, so I can move to the next task on the assembly line for Sara. Life goes on quickly. It is hard to slam back into my life, my roles when one life, my father's is hanging by a thread.

This week over and over and over again God has brought to my heart The Spirit Song. I have sung the words to Dad as well as prayed them for him.

O let the Son of God enfold you
with His spirit and His love
Let him fill your heart
and satisfy your soul
O let him have the things that hold you,
and His spirit like a dove
Will descend up-on your life and make you whole
Jesus, O Jesus, come and fill your lambs
Jesus, O Jesus, come and fill your lambs

O Come and Sing this song of gladness
as your hearts all filled with joy
Lift your hands in sweet surrender to His name
O give Him all your tears and sadness:
give Him all your years of pain,
And you'll enter into life in Jesus name.

This has been my prayer this week for my Father. I have prayed God's speed. God's speed.