Back to Reality!

As you can see blogging certainly has not been high on the priority these days. When you look at the blogging world it is filled with purposeful, motivating, incredibly creative posts, so I always feel that unless the earth has moved or something spectacularly special has occur ed, I really have nothing to say out in Blogger ville land. I guess that is why the infrequent, sporadic, random posts.

Summer came and went just like it always does. It zips right past. I always set these incredibly lofty goals for myself and my family during summer. Almost as if I imagine summer will be the time The Borchgardt Bunch operates the way I have always dreamed it to operate...organized, in control, calm.......almost as if I can become June Cleaver for the months of June and July. Then August comes and once again I am throwing chicken drive through nuggets in the back seat at my children for dinner while multi-tasking a million other To Do's. I collapse in the bed only to wake to the sound of an alarm to do it all over again. I often wonder who ever said that women could be in charge of an entire household, the heart of the home, June Cleaver it like while also working full time? The Huxtable house on The Cosby Show did a miraculous job of balancing both, but I never saw Mrs. Huxtable at work. She was always at home. all this to say next summer I'm setting no goals, but to just to enjoy and be. Then when August comes I will have felt success instead of once again not accomplishing all I had hoped to accomplish.

Blaine and Suzanna are in 4th grade! How did I get 4th graders?????? They are great kids. I am so eternally grateful for their hearts and how much they teach me each day. I am blessed. In all the insanity, they stabilize me for sure. With 4th grade comes more and more homework. Getting Mr. Blaine to engage in homework is a bit like herding cats. He so wants to be out and about. He is a doer for sure. He soaks up every bit that each day has to give him. He doesn't burn daylight for sure on things he is passionate about. Just wish I could get school to become that for him. Suzanna loves school and as all girls do loves homework as well. She is studious and purposeful. She is grounded where Blaine is a free spirit. Twins but so different. Each one offering a gift that this house needs.

It has almost been a year since Dad died. My grief for him still comes in waves. With the passing of Dad also came the passing of security. Somehow I always knew that Dad would catch me. It is odd being fatherless in this world. I know I have a spiritual father here but my earthly father is gone. I miss Dad s voice. I often try to remember it and I can hear him calling my name, " Sara Beth!", but is beginning to fade. Not the memory....just the sound and tone. He was such a character!

Doyle is incredibly insanely busy. He has taken on an incredible load. The ranch is everything to Doyle. Almost I think he is working harder to make it what it once was to make my father proud from heaven. Doyle grew up on the ranch. He began his work at the ranch when he was 10. 29 years ago is a long time.

I feel God moving. I am not sure which way but I wait in anticipation to see where he takes us.

We are back to reality. back to school days instead of lazy summer days! Reality is a good place to be though. I cherish this season. I remind myself to cherish it each day. Even when I'm throwing drive through nuggets in the back seat for dinner!

Appendix Surgery and New Feature

So June 5th was my last "official" day of work until late July. As I worked that day on last minute details before I ended the year, I had a throbbing pain in my right side all day. Pulling out of the school parking lot the throb continued to grow stronger more piercing with sharper pains. I do not even recall pulling in our home driveway. I walked in the house and immediately crawled under the covers shivering. I thought to myself, " Sara, you MUST get healthy! This must be some bacteria something you caught due to your horrible diet" Doyle took the kiddos to get dinner. It is now 7:30. I was lying in the bed realizing if I stayed in the bed when the kiddos returned they might not fine me alive the pain was that strong,. I drove myself to Urgent Care first which took one look at me and zipped me right out the door headed to the ER. By the time I got to the ER I was now crying. The pain was intense and I felt for sure I was going to collapse. After HOURS of testing, testing, scanning, imaging, testing and more imaging the result was emergency surgery at 2 am in the morning. My precious friend Shannon came and stayed with the duo so Doyle could come be with me. As always my Crisis Intervention team was ready to roll. It became quite evident that I was clearly getting old as I looked around. EVERYONE who was assisting in the testing, surgery , recovery efforts was younger than me. I was getting old, looking at all the just out of school doctors and nurses, so now I'm not only unhealthy, but old and unhealthy too! YUCK!

The recovery has been easy. I go back for my post op Thursday. I am grateful it was only my appendix but truly bummed that this was how Summer 2009 kicked off for The Borchgardts. Really? This whole year has been like that where literally we just had to buckle ourselves in for the emotional, physical and mental roller coaster ride we have been on. I am loving summer even with recovery. I needed rest...desperately. I guess God knew I had to finish out work then I could collapse so thats exactly what happened. I'm desperately seeking to find Sara again. I just feel lost at times with the fast paced full throttle speed ahead lifestyle. I think the reason why I feel lost is I have a hard time putting Sara on the list of To Do's. OR I enjoy using that as my excuse? Not sure which just yet? Anyway, I 'm going to have to get Sara back...healthy Sara back! I'm about to be able to be an advertisement for Lap Band surgery if I do not get ahold of my health!

Last thing....on my friend Charla's blog I saw this who visited your blog scroll which I thought was fun, since I think really I'm the only one who reads my own blog anyway...... BUT the problem is I do not have ALL my friends blogs listed because I do not know them all! So if you happen to visit can you leave your blog address if I do not have it on my sidebar? I then can somehow put you on the who visited my blog scroll! I may have to call Charla for back up to get it done, but I thought that would be fun to do! Isn't it amazing what entertains me these days?

I have pictures galore I need to post of the kiddos. We have been fishing at the ranch and catching LARGE bass so I need to share those. Blaine had a great baseball season. It was such a blessing for me to see him truly engage and be part of a team with a goal. It was good for his soul and mine. Suzanna is loving summer. She is horseback riding and AMAZING to watch ride. She just is one of those naturals on a horse. She must get that from her Dad because I always had to work at riding.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame! Resurection

With Spring always comes baseball for Blaine. He has entered a new category of baseball called Live Pitch where instead of having a machine pitch the players themselves are now the pitcher. One night Blaine was given the opportunity to pitch and just so happens his second mother, Lisa, had her fancy camera. She got some great photos of Blaine that I thought I would share.

I am trying to keep up with all the new networking connections but as you can see I am not doing so well. Posting has become harder and harder with time constraints. Adding Facebook has added a whole new world and then last night I got an invitation to be followed by Twitter. OH my! I can not imagine what it will be when Blaine and Suzanna enter the networking stage.

Hard to believe that they will be finishing Third Grade. I have learned I do not get moments back with them. It is going fast. This keeps pressing over and over again in my heart, so how incredibly important it is for me to chose carefully what I chose to miss and what I make sure I am 100% present with them on. We are counting down the days until summer. I am ready for summer. It has been one of the most challenging years since the twins were around 3 for us personally. A much needed rest is needed and a time for a resurrection in my own spiritual life. I once again am in need of a resurrection where God takes the broken pieces and parts of my life and again makes them whole. I need His breath of newness again deep in my soul to reawaken me to become the Sara I know is inside, just completely temporarily unraveled. My home needs to be made whole after a year of being what seems the valley. The gret thing is that after the valley comes the mountain top. I wait in anticipation for summer. Rest and time will be good for all The Borchgardt Bunches souls.

Update

I am aware that my blog posts have been rare and infrequent. Life continues to spin at an all time record pace in our world. I have come to realize it will not slow down, but only continue to speed up as Blaine and Suzanna grow older. I look at them now and can not believe that they are 9, almost Fourth Graders, and really getting big! I truly believe Suzanna as she grows older with her organizational skills could pretty much run the Borchgardt Bunch unlike her global free spirited mother =)! It is amazing how time passes. Many times I just want to hit pause and soak it all in before this season passes as well. I can see the tween years approaching which will mean time spent with their peers is more precious than time spent with us. I am not ready.

Tonight Doyle was headed to the river property to burn brush piles, move cattle and possibly hunt the hundreds of wild hogs which dig up the fields where the cattle graze. Doyle was all ready for Blaine to load up and head out with him as Blaine never misses a trip to the river. Blaine's answer was , " No!" to Doyle. I think it was shocking for all of us. Blaine selected to stay home in order to make a stop by the park with two of his best friends and then hang out with the neighborhood boys on our block!!!!Right now as I type this Blaine is outside on some Huffy Green Machine crashing into trashcans with the neighbor boys laughing , shooting basketball hoops and playing Wall Ball. All too rough for me. I used to be the Mother who would go outside and try to tame the behavior, but have learned to just let it go wild as clearly me "wimping" the adventure down takes all the fun out of it. When God made Blaine he certainly made 150% ALL ADVENTUROUS Boy! Never a dull moment.

I am grateful for the childhood memories being made. I am beyond blessed. I just wish time would slow down and that life could be at an easier more manageable pace as I want to cherish these childhood days before they begin the transformation into teenagers. I know it will be here before a blink of an eye just like I thought Kindergarten would never get here and now it has come and gone. Soaking up the joy and savoring every morsel is what I am attempting to even if it means watching Blaine throw caution to the wind to ride The Green Machine as if he was at Demolition Derby!

Flu A and Flu B

I was almost sure we had escaped the flu season for once until today. I returned from the ranch with Suzanna this morning earlier than I had anticipated to take her to Urgent Care since it was Saturday. Sure enough, after the flu test, the doctor returns to tell me that Suzanna is positive for BOTH strains of the flu, A & B. The doctor then scares me with all the precautions and things to watch out for in Suzanna due to her past respiratory history. Suzanna has had RSV which almost landed her in life flight and intubated at age 2 and pneumonia more times than I can count. With both strains of the flu attacking her at once, then she will need to be monitored closely. She is on two antiviral meds, one each for both strains, which is TORTUROUS to get down her. Suzanna gags and says they taste awful. When speaking to one of my friends tonight she tells me one of the antiviral can cause night terrors and seeing things that are not real. No one shared that with me at the clinic. The boys stayed in the country since I did not want two down for the count so it is just me with Suzanna. Now I am monitoring for crazy behavior too. She has pretty much slept the day away or awaken crying since she feels so bad. So far no panic screaming or seeing pink elephants dancing in the room, so I am super hopeful we will make it through tonight. Prayers for healing and protection so the rest of us do not get it would be greatly appreciated. As a school teacher in Texas, TAKS is 7 school days away. The pressure to be with the classrooms as a Master Teacher is tremendous at this time of the year. Why testing and flu season both have to be at the same time I do not know. Off to sleep. Praying for Suzanna to have sweet dreams! The night terrors side effect scares me worse than the Flu A and B combined.

Missing In Action

I thought I would hop on just to tell anyone who may ever try to catch up on The Borchgardt Bunch that we are not MIA, although since my last post was on Snow Day, it would appear as if we have. Life's pace just never slows down as it is a constant whirlwind. I keep thinking one day the pace will slow but I am beginning to think this is just the pace we travel at 101 miles an hour. The boys are off camping this weekend with YMCA Adventures Guides, so it has been a girl weekend for Suzanna and I. My mother came in town today to spend Valentines with us.

Mother is still adjusting to life without my father. Grieving Dad has been a life changing experience for me as I truly never knew how much his daily phone calls or shared wisdom meant to me until it was gone. I can still hear his resounding boom of a voice many days as if he was sitting right beside me. I live those long 8 weeks of him in ICU over and over in my head. I am grateful for an eternal perspective.

My new school is truly right where God sent me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am serving faithfully in a place where God's LIGHT needs to SHINE ever brightly. Many days I am exhausted but it gives me great peace knowing I am where God purposefully placed me. Doyle is busy with work , the cattle and now Dad's cattle as well. Suzanna and Blaine both are horseback riding. Suzanna got a horse from Santa named Buttermilk with Blaine getting a horse this January named Ginger. Blaine starts baseball soon. In fact, I think this is the season Blaine has to try out to make a team. YIKES! Nothing like entering the Little League pressure =)! It's all about character building though. I tell Blaine all the time it is his actions and behavior on the field that matter most not a win or a loss. One day I am thinking it will sink in. Hopefully???

I'll post more soon. Just thought I would let whoever ever might read this The Borchgardt's are still around...just not blogging lately.

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

We had snow on Wednesday! What a winter wonderland College Station became. The children played and played and played until we finally brought them in at 9 pm from all the winter excitement. It was such a fun treat for us. We had an incredible time enjoying every moment!

Blaine & The Deer! Suzanna into the JUNGLE!

Blaine can become hyper focused. This weekend was one of Blaine's hyper focused moments. He was determined that this would be the weekend he shot his first deer. Surprisingly, it was! Doyle had only taken Blaine to practice with a deer rifle once. They had shot into a feed sack using a the deer rifle with Blaine getting used to the kick. Blaine was close to the bulls eye every time he shot though. This past Monday morning before school, Blaine had already packed for the upcoming weekend hunt. Anything he had camo was placed into his duffle bag as well as all hunting equipment. Countdown was excruciatingly painful for Blaine as the anticipation was driving him hog wild. The weekend came and off went Blaine to spend the weekend at Nana's and Papa's in Brenham hunting. Papa and Blaine were up before 5 and in the blind at 5:30 and there they stayed. Only does entertained them Saturday in the blind. Sunday morning a spike buck appeared. Blaine's Papa said Blaine lined the rifle up and fired one shot. I would have paid money to have seen Blaine's face when he saw the deer go down. Papa said Blaine was thrilled and could not believe he actually hit the buck! We could not wipe the smile off Blaine's face all day. It truly was a rite of passage for Blaine with all the Borchgardt men. Uncle Jimmie drove over to see Blaine's first deer. Congratulations were offered. The great thing was that Uncle Jimmie had let Blaine borrow his deer rifle a 22-250. Of course, Doyle drove in once he got the call Blaine had killed his first deer. Hand shakes, cheers, excitement and pride surrounded the day as everyone was delighted for Blaine. Blaine walked in from the hunt I think taller, more confidant and ready to tell the tale of his hunt. We were all so excited for him. He had to clean the deer which Blaine took plenty of photos , 55 in fact , but I will spare you the gore! That just must be something only men understand.

Here is Blaine with his first dove. This hunting season has been all about firsts. Doyle thinks the practice on the small gun helped Blaine get ready for the deer rifle. Blaine so far has hit everything he has shot at which makes him a little boastful and proud of his hunting ability. Doyle and I talked tonight that we would have loved for my Dad to have seen this since he was such the hunter. Then I thought for a moment and realized Dad probably was helping Blaine pull the trigger =)! today in the deer blind smiling. For now Dad can hunt again! His last 5 years here on earth Dad was too sick and too tired to hunt. If Dad can see down from heaven, I now he was smiling from ear to ear with Blaine. Dad loved Blaine dearly for the son he never had.

While Blaine was hunting the weekend away Suzanna cooked up her own fun with Jungle in My Pocket creatures. She spent all weekend playing elaborate make believe stories with one of her best friends and the Jungle in My Pocket animals. She quickly changes her passions from Barbies, Webkinz, Polly Pockets, Littlest Pet Shop and now the "In my Pocket" series. She is our joy! Suzanna is super creative and takes after her Aunt Catherine and Mimi with that talent. She was all smiles this weekend as well delighting in having the house to herself.

God's Purpose

Today on my way to work, I struggled with even going to work. I had a conversation with God which I begged him to call me home. Call me to my home where I could go exercise, cook a healthy meal for my family, play with the dogs and do a Bible Study. Call me to my home which could be my refuge. I wanted desperately just to regroup. I wanted Him to do that for me. All would be perfect and right if I just did not have to go to work. I think often times the grass always looks greener on the other side. Today, I wanted to go to greener pastures.

And So, I enter the building and encounter a student filled with so much rage, so much anger and so much hurt, the pain spilled forth , spilling out down the hallway right smack dab where he raced by me ready to attack like an out of control animal . This student then began kicking a glass door. I think the thrill of knowing glass could shatter at any moment was an adrenaline rush which in this student's mind, shattering glass just might shatter the pain, the hurt and the torture bottled up inside his heart as well. His eyes spoke of the hurt, the pain and the ANGER, red hot explosive anger, he was feeling. So I looked at him and it was then his eyes met my eyes and it was if God spoke right through our eyes. He knew he could trust me. He knew he could calm down with me only because of the God given kid connectivity God gave me at that moment. I took his hand and gently lead him outside where he could began to release his frustration. Tears began streaming down his broken-hearted face. He finally felt safe and began to allow himself to leave the flight or fight part of his brain and began reasoning with me.

And so I prayed, " God what do I give this child of yours? What can I give him in his hurt ?" I leaned in and listened and then I offered him all I could at that moment ...hope! I gave him hope and belief in himself despite the fact that the odds are stacked so high against this kid to dig his way out of generational poverty, violence, and gang neighborhoods. HOPE is exactly what he needed. I told him I believed in him despite it all. Despite the reputation. Despite the grades. Despite the fights. Despite the foul language. I believe in him. Hope! You must have hope.

When you see lives so opposite yours each day you began to question and wonder. Why the extreme injustice? Why the haves and the have nots? Why do some have so much opportunity afforded them and then so many have nothing offered, but despair and oppression. I watch faces of our little ones each day who live in situations many of us could only imagine or have only seen on the television screen. For those little ones though it is their reality. It is their world and to many it is a place of hurting.

And so , the day continues with one crisis to another. It is like being a fire fighter running, rushing in to the flames to put the fires out. Each fire surrounding a hurting child or a hurting teacher. Sprinkled in comes waves of joy as I see student success and celebration happening. Students and teachers rejoicing at accomplishment and growth that is happening. Finding joy with a child or teacher warms you from the inside out. Fires still need tending and so the day marches forward.

As I get into my car, I hear God loudly give me the verse from Ephesians 1:9-12. (I replace the pronouns always for my name or the name of the person I am praying for, to make the Bible come alive to me. )

Ephesians 1:10-12 (The Message)
He thought of everything, provided for everything you, Sara could possibly need, letting you, Sara in on the plans he took such delight in making. He set it all out before you, Sara in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth.
It's in Christ that you, Sara find out who Sara is and what you, Sara are living for. Long before you, first heard of Christ and got your hopes up, he had his eye on you, had designs on you for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone ( including you, Sara!).

And so God reminded me today. He reminded me that he has this purpose for me. Guess what, he had it before I was even born! I know what my calling is , but yet I fight it. I sometimes want someone elses call. God reminds me today on the way home from work of this verse. He whispers in my ear, "It is in Chirst Sara that you will do this work. This is what you are living for. This is part of my overall purpose I am working out in everything and everyone. And so, you Sara are right where you need to be for my purpose which I had my eye on YOU before you even knew it. "

Temptation, Horseback Riding, Treasures

Tonight Blaine decided to take a bath in Doyle and I's large tub in order to soak while the jets were on to help him feel better. The Borchgardt House has been down for an entire week with the stomach bug , so Blaine felt a hot soak in our jacuzzi would ease his pain. After about 20 minutes, out comes Blaine with blood running down his leg looking a bit confused. Doyle doctors him up as Blaine proceeds to tell of his unfortunate accident in slipping right out of the tub, scraping his leg and now which is now left injured and bleeding. Doyle can't seem to see how the type of cut matches the wild story of slipping, sliding , falling and now bleeding on the way out of the bath, but places the band aid on without much thought.

In comes Blaine to see me. As he shares his story he says, " And Mom, it also took all my hair off!" And so, I now put two and two together to discover Blaine saw my pink razor on the edge of the tub and decided to see exactly how the razor worked by experimenting on his own leg. I said, " Blaine, you used my razor?" He denied it. He denied it again. And again. Then he said, " Mom, okay, I was curious. I wanted to see. You should not leave your razor on the tub. It is too tempting!" First I thought, "With words such as curious and tempting, Wow,! We are getting quite an extensive vocabulary for a Third Grader, but then I saw the spiritual lesson illustrated beautifully for Blaine.

I shared with Blaine how he was curious and tempted, but what had he been instructed regarding the use of a razor? He knew all the right things to say, fully aware that razors cut, but that not enough for Blaine. I shared with Blaine how God in his word has shared with us many cautions to keep us from hurting ourselves. God knows the consequences of being tempted can lead to hurtful situations. Each day we can either choose to be tempted or curious and ultimately end up hurt ....just like he did tonight by the use of the razor or we can chose to trust God and then avoid the consequences., but always knowing we have grace.
He looked at me and said, " Mom , just hide the razors!"

Blaine is my little one who will have to see, touch, feel, experience and live life fully for himself. Evidenced by his inappropriate use of the razor. Blaine is IN every moment. And with that comes a many of life lessons along the way. I pray daily for the Holy Spirit to prompt his heart with things that are of God knowing God has created Blaine for such a great purpose.

Sister Sue =) has taken up horseback riding. She rode bareback last week and is a complete natural on a horse. Suzanna almost becomes one with the horse which reminds me of rides with our horse Katy at the ranch when I was growing up. Well, Doyle took her tonight to buy her a pair of riding boots, helmet and riding jeans. HE was SO proud of Suzanna for her gift of riding. Doyle used to team rope with his horses and rodeo with the horses. He told me tonight, ' Well, if Suzanna is going to ride, I better get back in the saddle as well!" Here we go..............

We have been sick for a week, but I think almost I needed a week just to recenter and regroup.Work has been 12 - 14 hour days. I feel like we are almost all back on solid footing after the 9 weeks with Dad's illness and then death. There is not a day I do not think of him. Wisdom he offered or shared. Memories from childhood with Dad. Things he would say to me regarding the children. Now that he is gone, those memories are treasures. True treasures. What I have learned is while we were making those memories I had not idea that they would become treasures tucked in my heart for the rest of my life here on this earth. I can not make more memories with dad. That opportunity is gone. What a lesson to love completely and fully and to cherish. Cherish, cherish, cherish.

Dad's Passing

I have started this posting a million times , knowing that before I can post any other postings, I must first update my blog regarding my father's death. Dad died on September 8 at 2:08 pm. Dad's leaving this world was not peaceful. He did not go calmly in his sleep nor did he smile one last joyous smile before he left this world for the next,as you would imagine one who had time to prepare for his death would go. I did not find the active dying part beautiful nor serene as the doctor who was beside us kept describing the event of Dad's dying to us. Those last 4 minutes with Dad as he actively died are like a tape recorder that continues to hit replay over and over and over again in my mind.

We had sat with Dad for a total of 8 long weeks watching, waiting and praying that God would end the suffering by either healing him physically or taking him to Heaven to be with him. When the moment finally came when Dad let go, I didn't want to let him go. No matter how much I had prepared myself what I soon discovered is, you are never really prepared. The emotions of losing Dad are like waves which pour over you completely unexpected. Dad called depending on his mood two to three times a day the last year. When the phone rings on some days and I know it will never be Dad again and so the emotions can surface. He had a passion for Blaine and Suzanna as they were his ultimate pride and joy watching Blaine and Suzanna grieve for their Poppy is painful. It is the part knowing you will never hear his voice again or hear his wisdom again that can wash over me like a flood. You want the world to stop. You want to look at people going about their day and scream, " Stop! My Dad just died! Can't you wait and let me get ready to rejoin the race again" The world keeps moving right along like a Merry Go Round spinning . It forces you back on rushing and racing trying to catch up on the last spins you missed as we are in the land of the living. Although now that I have experienced I see the passing from this life to the next as something worth stopping the world for, for just a moment so those who have lost can catch their breath before jumping back in to life.

BUT those are the human emotions tied to the grief. What I know is that this earthly home is temporary. We are eternal based on our belief in Jesus Christ, so even though Dad is gone from this world, he has entered his spiritual eternal home. I was terribly worried that Dad had not "made himself right with God" many days, but what God taught me regarding this one fear of mine was unbelievable. I saw a mighty powerful grace filled God surround my father in his last days bringing him back into a relationship with his maker.

In those last two days, Dad asked for prayer. My father never asked for prayer to my knowledge in my whole entire life until the last two days of his life. He knew all along where he was headed as he spent those 8 weeks taking care of unfinished business with siblings and damaged relationships between friends. I watched a man who never surrendered began to surrender and through that surrender accept our Father who is in heaven. As Dad was actively dying taking his last few breaths, I clung to him saying, "Daddy, you look for Jesus. You call to Jesus. You call his name Daddy. Call Jesus!". What mattered to me in Dad's last 4 minutes of life was that he call to Jesus.

God promises never to leave or forsake us. Dad was God's all along. God had never left him. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. That love which is deep and wide was pouring out to my father in an incredible way those last weeks. Sometimes in the hospital, I could feel the Holy Spirit. I would on occasions look up at Doyle and say, " Doyle, breathe in, can't you breathe the Holy Spirit? Don't you feel God's presence in this room?" He would always smile and lovingly say" Sara, no that must be just for you." It was if the angels were dancing about him preparing him to let go.

The last weeks were incredibly long and hard and painfully brutal. Suffering is miserable. Although I have come to see that in Dad's suffering and his complete surrender to the fact a physical healing was not going to happen, Dad was spiritually healed. In those last 4 minutes what mattered was not that he knew of my love for him or how much I appreciated him for being my father for 38 years, but that he was calling to Jesus. He was finding Jesus. So really what it comes down to is Jesus. Nothing else.

My father and I at times had our ups and downs and topsy curvy moments, but God did a miraculous thing as I cared for him while he was dying. God wiped that away. Dad and I's relationship had never been stronger when he died. I can't recall even as a little girl calling my father Daddy as he was always Dad. Through those longs weeks, our relationship transformed where in those last breaths he took, he was not my Dad dying, but my Daddy and a incredible Poppy to Blaine and Suzanna. Grief and bereavement are exhausting. I have found it harder to reenter the world than I would have imagined. Life does not give us a pause even when I beg God for one. I am so grateful for the eternal perspective we have in Jesus which allows us to reenter. I am grateful for the race that He has put in front of me, although lat times I feel like really I can not run this race not at all. I want to collapse face down and just say I have hit pause. He picks me up and sends me onward, upward to march the race He has laid before me knowing He has all I need. Then, in His grace, He floods me with His power to keep on running so to hear him whisper , "Well Done Good and Faithful Servant" In my last breaths I have learned all that matters is Jesus. Sweet Jesus.
http://www.legacy.com/HoustonChronicle/DeathNotices.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=117256983

The 2008-2009 Year is Here

As a teacher I have never celebrated New Years as "the new year". I have always felt that come December 31st, I was smack dab in the middle of my work, not about to launch into a new year, with a new me , new goals situation. The break for me as an educator comes in summer. After summer, for me, the new year begins. Each summer I always make lofty goals for myself as if come June, July and August I magically would become the person I dream of being, healthier, organized and completly in control. At the end of summer comes a sigh as I did not accomplish those lofty goals. Next summer ,my goals will be to just rest and relax with the kiddos!

All that being said, the new year is here. Blaine and Suzanna have been happy in their new environment at the private school. They have made friends and are with two incredible teachers who pour themselves into theri students. Today Suzanna's teacher left me a message at work to tell me Suzanna took her vocabulary and spelling tests and made the highest grades in the class. Go Suzanna. She ended the message with, " Sara I love your family. I love your children. I am praying for your family." It was sincere and from her heart. I saved that message to remind me of exactly what the duo is getting in a smaller, more nurturing environment that teaches to their spirit as well. I am grateful for the smooth transistion and that both are finishing out adjustments and settling into a routine.

Meanwhile, I began my new job as Master Teacher. All I can say is , " I'm back!" My energy, my drive , my goal setting and rush and thrill of working with high needs kiddos has recharged me for sure. No doubt I am right where God wants me. The first week on my new campus, I felt a little like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz as if I had just landed in the land of Oz and was meeting all the characters. I have made friends already. I have trained teachers two days in a row, partipated in training in the TAP program in the faculty meeting in addition to going in to teach for two days in a wild and wooly class =). I loved every minute of it. I am exhausted, but a good exhausted. The hours have been long and brutal which is another story, but the work is rewarding because it is what God created me to do. I know without a shadow of a doubt. I am now back in His Will for me. I absolutely am jazzed about being part of a high needs campus. I love it!!! Exhausted, worn out and tired, but full of reward,purpose and adrenaline.

Dad.......7 weeks. We have had an incredibly long 7 weeks with no end in sight. He is withering away slowly taking the slow road to heaven I assume. I can not see the purpose of the sustained suffering and pain. It has literally been watching suffering. Seeing this man who was the pillar of strength wither, suffer and be in agony is incredibly difficult. I trust though that God's timing is perfect. God sees the situation for what needs to be finished in my father's world before he leaves earth. I trust that. I just keep praying , "God's speed!" Sometimes we treat our animals more humane I have discovered through watching my father in his pain.

It has been a busy, busy time. I looked in the mirror today and thought, " Oh Sara, you must find yourself again ! The dark circles and weight are signs of me not taking care of myself. As working mothers I think we always put ourself last. My new year, which has just begun, I know exactly what I should focus on =) for my own little way of celebrating New Years.

Happy Happy New School Year!

Life Support

For 7 days and nights, my life has been on pause, listening to the swoosh and swish of life support machines along with bells and whistles of intensive care alarm monitors alerting the nurse and doctors that the heart, the lungs, the something is sounding for help . These sounds are all too familiar, as this is exactly how our Blaine and our Suzanna began life, on monitors, in ICU and living hour by hour. We now are living the same way , but with my father.

Dad crashed this past Friday. He was headed for death, in fact it was knocking on his door. Through a heart pump and vent , he was kept alive. Life had to hit pause for me. If only we really had a pause. How could I be at my father's bedside while also filling the roles of mother, wife, teacher and any other role that goes along with Sara Borchgardt. By the grace of God the kids were off to camp for a week, I cancelled my week long training in Bastrop and have been here serving only as daughter.

I am grateful for this week. I have had the time to pray at my Father's bedside which if he was awake and alert would be an IMPOSSIBILITY as Dad is too proud, too much of a conqueror to need my humble prayers. I have held my Father's hand more this week than ever in my whole life time. I have wiped tears from his eyes and held my hand over his heart when it was beating too fast. All of these things would not be possible for me to do if he were not sedated on life support. He thinks he is to be courageous, independent and Super Man if you will which are all character traits that do not allow one to be in prayer constantly by your bedside.

I have no idea where this story will end and when. I have had to learn to surrender as I want it neatly closed, so I can move to the next task on the assembly line for Sara. Life goes on quickly. It is hard to slam back into my life, my roles when one life, my father's is hanging by a thread.

This week over and over and over again God has brought to my heart The Spirit Song. I have sung the words to Dad as well as prayed them for him.

O let the Son of God enfold you
with His spirit and His love
Let him fill your heart
and satisfy your soul
O let him have the things that hold you,
and His spirit like a dove
Will descend up-on your life and make you whole
Jesus, O Jesus, come and fill your lambs
Jesus, O Jesus, come and fill your lambs

O Come and Sing this song of gladness
as your hearts all filled with joy
Lift your hands in sweet surrender to His name
O give Him all your tears and sadness:
give Him all your years of pain,
And you'll enter into life in Jesus name.

This has been my prayer this week for my Father. I have prayed God's speed. God's speed.

Vidella and Dad

A dear friend of mine Maggie and I have always discussed for three years the possibility of me getting a "wash out" field and trial lab. What is a wash out lab? I had no idea either until Maggie explained it to me. A wash out lab is a high breed beautiful lab that washed out of Field and Trial competition . Wash outs can become superior hunting dogs or a highly trained pet in my case. Maggie's husband Ryan is a handler who trains labs for Field and Trial competitions. He and Maggie had a breeder give them a lab puppy early September 2007 to train to be the champion Field and Trial lab. Unfortunately, by this July, Ryan had to wash her out of the competition part as he described her as soft and not responding to correction. Knowing my plight with Mr. Scootch, Maggie knew we needed this lab. Her name is Vidella named after the yellow onion. We have had her since July 14th.



My father when he was healthy was an avid hunter. He and my mother would take trips into Mexico to go white wing hunting every year. Traveling to hunting leases was a regular for us many years or staying back behind while they went out on the hunting adventures is a childhood memory. Dad always talked about having a hunting lab. He owns a cabin in Arkansas on a hunting and fishing lodge which he recently shared with Blaine and Doyle. When I have visited Dad in the hospital , Vidella has given us something to discuss. I told him I wish we could take him back to the ranch now that we have Vidella and he can watch from the back porch her retrieve into his pond. He said, " Sara, I used to be able to do a lot." He never got the hunting dog as at age 40 he had his first heart attack and quadruple by pass surgery. I am 2.2 years away from 40. God;s timing of Vidella could not be more perfect. Somehow the discussion of Vidella has brought a connection to my father and I. The last long visit I had with him he told stories of bird hunts with the guides dogs. I hope we don't ruin Vidella too too much to where she won't bird hunt. It's amazing what two 8 year olds and of course me can do to a perfectly trained dog in a matter of a week and a half!



Here is an example! Yesterday the duo was outside playing. I would hear the alarm signal that a door had been opened and then Vidella would be inside back with me. I would go back and put her outside only to find the back door WIDE OPEN. I quickly corrected Blaine and Suzanna telling them to close the door and to keep Vidella outside with them while they played. Not a minute later, same story. Back door wide open, Vidella inside and the kids were back playing as if they never came inside. When I went to really give them a lecture, they were clueless. I closed the door behind me frustrated, in Vidella came. It was then that I realized Vidella had learned how to let herself back inside. I captured it on video for you to watch yourself. Cowboy was drawn to all the commotion and watched Vidella taking notes I am sure. The great news is Cowboy could NEVER jump up onto a door and use one paw to unlatch the door.

Blaine and Suzanna adore her and wanted to tell you while showing her off to you! Suzanna crawls into Vidella's kennel with her while Blaine throws the ball without ceasing. Vidella is an incredible sport about it all. What will she do when we are all back at school? I am sad to see summer fading. I cherish this time with Blaine and Suzanna. As they get older, I want to just hit pause and savor every moment. Even on days when I am ready to scream from exhaustion in channeling two 8 year olds energy, they make me smile. They are truly God's greatest gift to me. What a privilege it is to be Blaine and Suzanna's mother.

Oops off topic, here they are showing off Vidella! THANK YOU, MAGGIE AND RYAN!!!!

Heart Failure Unit

8 days ago Mother called 9-1-1 out of exhaustion, desperation and fear that once again my Father was going to take his last breathe. Dealing with chronic illness much of our lives with my Father brings many panic moments. In fact, I doubt the neighbors question when the ambulance pulls into my parents driveway much anymore. It becomes a way a life where dealing with illness, pain and care taking are a way of life. The morning Mom called 9-1-1, Dad could not breathe even with the oxygen mask on full throttle. He was once again hurting more than Mother was comfortable. He was rushed to the ER and placed in ICU. Once stable 5 days later , if you can be stable in ICU, I was visiting him when the nurse came in to tell Dad they would be transferring him

"Where," we asked?
" The Heart Failure Unit!", she replied matter of fact.

He looked at her in despair and then said, " Could you say, we are moving you to The Heart Survivor Unit instead of Failure?"

I thought he had a great thought. If we enter a situation thinking failure then what positive outlook and hope do we have? Dad knew that we were in a serious situation with his heart and he wanted reassurance not failure. Sure enough on the way to visit him you pass large letters on the wall which read boldly Heart Failure Unit. All the families that watch their loved ones pass through the double doors to the failure unit, must think and harp on failure instead of success. I know realism is important, but what a message to the patients and families to see their families head to a unit with the word failure in it?

Today we took Blaine and Suzanna to see him in "the failure unit". They are the apple of his eye. Of course, Blaine was Blaine and visiting with all the nurses at their station. He came in with EKG print outs, crushed ice all from his new friends Poppy's nurses. After a long stay with the nurses, Blaine comes running up to his Poppy's bedside and smiles larger than life. Just then a flash went off and Blaine ran out laughing. Not second later he had Suzanna do the same thing, run in fast up to her Poppy's bedside and smile larger than life. The flash went off again. I asked them what they were doing to learn that they saw the camera on their Poppy that let the nurses watch him. The duo then discovered the nurses could take a still photo while the camera was on Dad. So, what do you know? Blaine had the nurses take their photo. Somewhere on the hospital surveillance of patients they will find Suzanna and Blaine smiling larger than life with their Poppy in the Hearst Failure Unit! How ironic that in a place where hope is gone, the children can restore life with their smiles, conversation and playfulness. We all were rolling!

This is Dad and Blaine July 4th weekend at my parents ranch in Brenham. They are eating homemade ice cream together on the back patio.

Scootch , the rescued dog update

I called Woodstock , the rescue organization ,that took Scootch in for us to train him since he was way too much dog for us here at The Borchgardt House. After speaking with them at length I can compare Scootch's training to that of a Behavior Adjustment Class. Scootch would certainly qualify as a free spirited , adventurous , high energy, never stop dog having some pretty complicated issues with classic dominant alpha personality type . It made since as when Scootch was sick and still healing , he was calmer and easier to manage, but as he healed he became more dog becoming extremely protective of all of us as if we were "his pack" instead of him being in ours. He would jump on the trampoline and attempt to jump our privacy fence. He wanted to be in everything we did and to chase a scent was heavenly. He even drug Doyle off the bike if you recall.

Woodstock is sill working with Scootch after almost 3 months and still see him needing more training. He needs structure and he needs an Alpha. I would myself would have to get some training to be the Pack Leader. Throw in 3 cats, Cowboy and two kids and you know I am not sure how much energy and time I have "Pack Leading!" Many days I am doing good just to chase after the pack, much less LEAD the pack!

When Blaine asked when Scootch was returning after listening in on my telephone conversation, I told him I was unsure if Scootch would be able to return to us. We just may not be the right home for him. With that Blaine got tears in his eyes which quietly silently streaked down his cheeks as he looked up at me with the saddest eyes and said, "Mom, I love Scootch and he is my dog that I found!" I had to explain to Blaine that sometimes loving did not mean keeping for yourself if that would not be the best thing. I explained that loving Scootch meant finding him the home he needed to be happy, healthy and behaved . Loving Scootch might mean letting him go, so he could be in the best place even though it would hurt us for a little while to see him go. Blaine still with brave tears falling down his face said, " I think we are the best place, but if we are not then I want to go tell him goodbye."

Blaine bonded with Scootch immediately when he found him injured and he in part is the reason Doyle of all people, rescued Scootch. In some ways I can see how Scootch and Blaine would be kindred spirits if a dog and a child could even be =) as they both are free spirited, high energy and do not want to be "tamed" as their charismatic spirits are something that can not be broken out of them no matter how much specialized training you give. So, I sit pondering what to do?? What to do? Although I think loving Scootch might mean letting him go for us since the reality is we are all chasing our tails on many wild and woolly days, but Blaine's love and bond is real . We will see where this takes us. I told Doyle we needed to move to several acres now to operate the new found rescue organization. He just looked at me like " Oh Sara, please no!" I don"t think rescue work is something Doyle wants to entertain knowing the bills that go with them after Cowboy, Angel, Destiny and Scootch .

P.S. Woodstock is a great a great rescue organization!!! If you see them at PetCo on Saturdays in College Station or out at adoptions, tell them Thanks for Scootch!

Confirmation and Affirmation

Change is hard for me. It requires me to be a risk taker, as well as, trust that the change I am making is the right one. When changes involve the whole Borchgardt Bunch, it requires great amounts of faith. No longer does it just involve me as it involves everyone. This Spring I felt change coming as I was unsettled and I felt the kids were unsettled. I truly believe God causes me to become unsettled and uncomfortable in order for for me to see that it is time for a change, a redirection and a shift. God was so gracious to me as He lead me exactly where each of us needed to be. I have returned to my old district and Blaine and Suzanna are headed to Third Grade at a Christian private school. It amazes me that in my unfaithfulness, God remains faithful!

I could write pages and pages sharing the amazing story of how God took his staff and guided me even when I resisted. Here is our brief run down of how at our church lunch after our church moved into our new sanctuary, God made sure we sat with a precious Godly family who has their two boys at the new school Blaine and Suzanna will be attending, then how he provided us to attend a dinner party where the administrator of the new school Blaine and Suzanna will be attending was present and talked to Doyle and I at length. Then I decided to let the kiddos visit for one day, expecting them to return with negativity about changing from what was comfortable at the old school and instead I was meet with smiles and joy of the possibility of attending such a small quaint family oriented place. God moved one of the best Third Grade teachers from FR who has a Masters in Reading to go teach at the private school, so she could have Blaine in her classroom doing the same museums, etc. that they do in Third Grade at FR.

So if I had them all squared away at a new place with a new tuition in the budget, where God would that come from? He provided me to move back to my old district that I have always had in my heart to be a Master Teacher which will provide the new tuition in my new salary!!!! The more I walked in the change the more I felt the old Sara returning. I can not describe it, but as I continued to walk on the path that was easy (such as a job that did not challenge me for my God gifting and a school that was two blocks away,) I continued to feel as if something was rubbing away at my soul and that I was dying on the vine, but when I entertained the changes of Master Teacher and Blaine and Suzanna's new school I felt this was the way. Two of my godly friends gave me these two verses below which I held close to my heart as I struggled through the change process, so much as to begin grinding my teeth at night! I was resisting because what I had was so EASY, but what God had to teach me was EASY is not ALWAYS BEST!

Dear Sara,

Jeremiah 26:13 (The Message)
So do something about it! Change the way you're living, change your behavior. Listen obediently to the Message of your God.

Isaiah 30:21 (New International Version)
21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

From , God

As I walked into my first day of Master Teacher training, I was flooded with welcomes and hugs and smiles. It was if I was putting on an old pair of warm house slippers and was back home. I was energized and jazzed and excited as my passion again begin to be reborn in me for what I know without a shadow of a doubt God called me to do! At the ending of the first day, the Assistant Superintendent stood up and thanked us for sharing and giving ourselves to the toughest schools in this district due to the number of families in poverty whose little ones attend the Master/Mentor/ TAP schools. She said she truly believed that we are called to serve those who have more of a struggle than we do and to take care of our brothers and sisters was following a high calling God has placed in each of us.

"Truly I say to YOU, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me! " Matthew 25:40

That was MUSIC to my ears. It was as if God had directly linked her ending comments to the confirmation and affirmation I needed to know that I was walking in HIS plan for the Borchgardt Bunch! Was it an easy plan, absolutely not, but it was the best plan! His best is always worth it! I know obstacles/conflicts/oppositions are ahead...... as walking in His Will brings challenges, but the great news is, if you are in His will he will provide what you need if I can just remember to rely on Him instead of little old me .

Prayers for God to give us all the peace and the comfort needed to make the changes and for a smooth, easy transition would be appreciated. Especially for Blaine and Suzanna to make friends and feel comfortable and accepted would be greatly appreciated!
So Here's to Changes!!!!!

Ya Ya's

The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood would have to be one of my top 5 favorite novels. It shares the story of a sisterhood that exists between lifelong friends regardless of how much one "drops her basket". Although the plot thickens with a more dysfunctional theme than many have experienced including abuse, negligence and episodes of insanity, the sisterhood between the friends remains constant. In the height of the popularity of the novel and when the movie was hitting the theaters a connection was made that many of us have those Ya Ya's in our life that stand the test of time and remain constant no matter how much one would " drop her basket". It is with that introduction that I can share one of my Ya Ya moments as I have many but here is a recent one =).

Eight families travel each year to the coast to spend a week together. This summer on the last day the mothers /wives decided to snag our little ones Boogie Boards and go past the second sand bar to ride the waves. We took an extreme beating getting to the place where we could actually ride the waves on the boards. Through laughter and swallowing much salt water , we prevailed in our mission with the Dads/husbands watching diligently to make sure we did not go under. On the way back we decided to drift in with each passing wave. As we talked, laughed and enjoyed the breadth and depth of the ocean floating back to shore, one of us suggested we form a circle so we could all hear each other. As we did the ocean waves would pull one of us this way and the other one that way. Then the suggestion was made that we hold hands in our circle so that the waves could not separate us.

As we held hands in a circle floating on our kiddos boogie boards , a silence came over the circle. It was in that silence with the sounds of the ocean and the taste of the salt water that the Ya Ya moment became real. In that silence more was spoken between each of us than had been spoken the whole trip, it was as if the sisterhood that existed , the spirit of unwavering faithfulness was felt and our hearts were warmed by the precious friendship that has been given to each of us by God. It is amazing to see how He interweaves the lives of His children to connect with those that He has planned and purposed for us to interact with in our lives if only for a season. Some of the Ya Ya's in this circle have weathered a many a turbulent storm together as well as shared the most joyous .In the silence as we held hands to keep from being pulled apart from the ocean ,you could feel the bond of sisterhood. Although we could not recapture that moment again even if we tried, it was incredibly special as in it we could rest that we were each mothers, wives, daughters, and yes, SISTERS that had formed a sisterhood. Now for the Divine Secrets...we will never tell!!!!

The Talent Show

The Talent Show was the last week of Suzanna's second grade school year. She and one of her very best friends decided a couple of days before the show that the friend would play the piano to Yesterday while Suzanna sang. Well, if you know anything about being a teacher the week before school is out it is INSANE, so did I, her insane school teacher mother practice one time with Suzanna...of course not, but did that stop Suzanna...no. She was so brave to get up in front of all her peers and sing a song she had practiced several times with one of her best friends. Suzanna has a grace about her for sure. She is confidant and courageous. I am truly amazed at how grounded she is to only be eight years old. You can watch here below. Although if Suzanna would ever want to be a real singer we would certainly have work to do, but it is her spirit I see here with her laughter and her innocence. Suzanna is one of our JOYS.

Suzanna's Dance Recital

Today was Suzanna's Dance Recital . Suzanna Bananna has been taking dance since she was three. Today, she earned her 5 year trophy. What an accomplishment. We have a tradition on recital day , since Suzanna was three, Katie one of her many second mothers does Suzanna's hair in a stylish bun and all her glitzy glitter make up. I do make an attempt, but Suzanna enjoys Katie's pampering much more than mine!

Suzanna was beautiful tonight. The theme of the recital was the Wizard of Oz focusing on the symbolism between our earthly home and our true eternal home in heaven. The recital ended with all the girls bowing before the cross recognizing that only through our Lord Jesus Christ can we find true bravery, true courage, true love and true wisdom which was what all the characters in the recital were looking for , but in the wrong places of course. I have to say, I had tears streaming down my cheeks to see so many girls kneel before the cross. It was one of those moments that gives you chills to see your daughter and all her friends kneel before the cross at the conclusion of the production.

Here are two videos! The first one look in the middle as it is Suzanna. If you do not follow her...you will certainly lose her as all the girls look the same on stage from a far far distance wearing the same costume.

The second is a short, short clip of the last dance where all the girls dance and then bow to the cross .